The best revenge is premature balding
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
