How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
