just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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