If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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