He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
