census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I believe in your delicious
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
