my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
