just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
