i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
