Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
