a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
