I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
