I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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