I queefed so loud it echoed.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
