So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize