She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
