We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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