I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
