1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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