I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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