I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
