apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
