I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
