She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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