i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
