i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
