You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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