I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
