This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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