You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
