also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
