i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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