Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
