i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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