The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
bring money and cleavage
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
