Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
