dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
