Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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