We got so high we made milksteak
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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