Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
