She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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