she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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