I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
