Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
