babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
