My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
