the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
