Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
