Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
