My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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